SCARY!!

OMG!! Yesterday was really crazy, and it even freaked me out.. It was like this. Remember how I watched 3 movies yesterday? Well, out of the three that I watched, only two was y favorite and it was Inception and Prince of Persia. So I kept thinking about every part and stuff. Then when I finished watching the movies, it was around 5AM or so. So then I went to sleep before my parents caught me. When I finished closing my laptop my mom came in, and I just lied down saying I couldn't sleep. Then she asked if I wanted to go to the market with them, and of course, I said no. Then I just slept. Like blank dead. Cause I was tired.. Then later when they came back and my brother was awake and we were suppose to open the shop, so I needed to wake up, do my things, get dressed and etc. But then I 'think' my body was shaking or something. And my mom passed by my door and saw it. Then my mom repeatedly asked what happened and it got a little louder which my dad and my brother gathered at the door. But I was still shaking, then I could feel my mom rubbing my chest and she kept saying something, I wasn't sure what. I was still unconscious, then my mom suddenly put pressure on my chest and I 'came' back. Alright, let me explain. I think it's that it's kinda like the movie Inception, how they dreamed too deep and need to fall to wake up, but in my case, my mom put pressure on my chest. Then when I 'came' back, it's was like in Prince of Persia, Dastan pressed the button on the hilt, he went out of his body and then back in. It felt like my soul or spirit and my body crashed together. And when I woke up, I 'automatically' sat up with my hand on my chest and with a gasp. And the first two breaths were deep ones. I was really scared. Like, what the **** was that?? And when my parents and brother all asked me what happened I said I don't know how to explain. But when I told my brother, because he watched the movie as well, so he at least partly understands.. And I could sense that he didn't believe me, which I knew he wouldn't, because if someone told me, I wouldn't believed it too. But it happened to me. And I don't know what that was..

Damn, I don't think I'll ever forget that experience. Or probably I'll ask some psychologist or professionals on these things sometime and get a rough idea how this happened.

Also, if you still don't get what happened here, and you know me in real life, remind me about this and if I didn't forget, then I would tell you. [Normally people only remembers 30% of their dreams..]

[December 27th, 2010:: 1:16AM]

A Night Without Sleep

Woah. It's about 5:35 now and I'm still awake.. I watched 3 movies just now. I watched Inception which was so cool. And it's like I can 'try' to control my dreams or something after watching it. It's just moved me somehow. Well, a lot of movies moved me... I then watches Prince of Persia, again it moved me too. Somehow i felt like being the Prince, "Dastan." Not because of the rank, authority or how he had a super not girlfriend. Which was the Princess Tamina or something.. I forgot. But the reason was, because im very adventurous and it's just so cool he goes 'everywhere' and also he knows the shortcuts and 'mouse roads' of his home town. Just. So. Cool!! =] .... Well to me at least... Lastly I watched Sorcerer's Apprentice. Man!! It was awesome! Made me feel like having magic. But movies are movies and realities are realities. And it's not possible. Unless I study physics and build that coil machine that Dave had. Haha.. 

Heh, about 5:45 now and that my parents are gonna go to the market today, which means they're gonna wake up earlier, and I have to fake sleep if not they'll start asking why i didn't sleep and then start lecturing me again... 

Anyways it was nice tho. Watching movie throughout the night. And probably I'll catch the sunset later. =] Man, in Prince of Persia and Sorcerer's Apprentice, it's just so sweet how I see the 'pairs' being together. In Prince of Perisa, the Princess was worried about the Prince. But she didn't wanted to show it but the Prince knew and made her accept the fact. It's just so sweet. =] And in Sorcerer' Apprentice, the guy Dave kept chased back the girl he chased 10 YEARS ago!!! Damn, it's like they're meant to be. Again it was so sweet.. Especially the ending. =]

[December 26th, 2010. 5:53 AM.]

This was how my Christmas Eve went...

Okay, I'm gonna start a new thing here.. for me... Cause I love blogging on my iPod. And that it doesn't always have wifi.. So I'm gonna finish a blog and put a time at the end, which will be when I type it. And when I copy and paste it to blogger.com, it will show another time and that time is when I upload it from there, so if you're reading my blog, don't mess up..

Today, right .., I meant on 24th of December, right after work I thought about swimming and chilling myself since my parents were going out and if I was at home, I would only be using the computer surfing and etc.. And my brother would be doing his things.. So I made an excuse to swim and I bought my things with me:: My iPod, phone, keys, and wallet. So then I was sitting by the pool and wanted to swim, but it was cold and I had thoughts in my mind and it made me want to think more. And if I swimmed, I would forget what I was thinking about. So I didn't swim. I just sat there opening songs with my cellphone and watched the irainian kids hanging out. Thoughts in mind was loneliness. I mean, on Christmas Eve my parents went out and yum cha with my uncle. And left my brother and I home... All my friends had parties and such, I chose not to go because since my parents don't like me going out and if I wanted to, there would be arguments and etc.... So I didn't go and hoping that my parents would take us somewhere. Which they end up going themselves.. And tomorrow would actually be Christmas, today by the way since it's already 2 in the morning. And it wont be any better than yesterday (24th). But I'm gonna hope it'll be wayyy better... 

Anyways I got through Christmas Eve myself by watching Date Night. It was a pretty good movie. And I also watched a little of Mr. Bean Christmas episode, but it was lame. So I flipped to 708, which was showing Teens Choice Awards. And it was awesome. =] Bruno Mars, Travie McCoy, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and family guy won. And since the commercial break took too long, I was lazy to wait because it was getting late and I wanted to finish 'Date Night', so I didnt see everyone who won.. 

Anyways, I figured I can't stop hatin life for the things I'm not happy with. Because there are a lot of lives out there that's more worst than mine. So, I gotta appreciate mine...

And when I have a family and kids, I'm gonna be a great Dad, I'll celebrate every major holidays with them. Like getting a Christmas tree on Christmas. (Oh, how I always wanted one. =]) I'm gonna eat turkey with them on thanksgiving. We'll go out wearing green on St. Patties day. And we'll go knocking on people's door asking for candies on Halloween. And many many others. I'm nothing to be like my parents, because how their parents taught them, they're teaching us the same way although its not right. And I find it pretty selfish. Because their parents don't let them go out, and they feel sad about that that time, they don't let me go out.. So it's kind of like, "if I die, I'm dragging you." something like that.. And talking to your kids by authority doesn't work anymore. Because from their time and childhood to todays, it had 360 degrees changed!!! And you gotta understand how your kids are feeling, and not 'assuming' how you 'think' they are or 'should' be feeling. Though we are all humans, but we have DIFFERENT feelings...

And Merry Christmas guys. =\

[This blog post was finished typing at: Friday, 25th of December, 2010 at 2:11 AM]

No topic..

Sitting in the car; walking from places to places, and looking everywhere. I see people walking together side by side by each other. I'm talking about boy-girlfriends now... It's like they're so happy and don't care about anything, and just wanna stay together. Watching them walking and laughing around telling jokes and cuddling together, just draws a smile to my face. Then somehow, the thought of me being single got to my mind. You see, I like seeing people being happy, but when i see myself, I feel pity. Hmmm, that's just life. You dont get all the things that you want. And just watching the things you want around you, makes you have that type of feeling of being envious or in other words, being jealous. I dont know. I just...  Hmm, I dont know how to put it in words. And I trying to blog it out to feel better... And also that day when I went out with my friends, I saw that they all have new phones when I'm still using the same one for about 3 years now. And they still complain about their life.. To me, I just dont think people will be satisfied even if they already get the things that they want. Later on, they'll want more and more things.. Wait, I'm not making sense. Heh, these are just the things running through my head now.. =\

So Many Things Happened These Days.

Errr... I dont know what to blog about. It's been so long since I last blogged.... due to laziness and got bored of doing so.
Hmm, o. I got one. Remember when...? Well that's if you have me on twitter or Facebook. And if you do. Remember when I said that there isn Christmas feelings in Malaysia?? Well I think God had answer me that. He did give me a thing to feel. It was like this:: Last Friday, I went out to try to look for a job. So I took the bus to KLCC, and walked to Pavilion, where I met my friends. They were at Pizza Hut, so I went there and met them. They already had bought my tickets for Tron Legacy 3D. So I watched it with them. When we entered the cinema, it was great. But there were technical issues with the projector. And we waited, but then later that cinema dude said we could get a refund if we wanted to. So my friends and I went out and they bought another ticket for another time for Tron. So then we went in, and this time we watched the whole. After that we went to Times Square to play pool. Man was I pro.. Heheh. Just kidding, but I'm not that bad either.. As I was walking everywhere, I did glance at shops to see if there were empty vacancy space. So it means I did try to look for a job and not only hanged out with friends... After pooling I said I had to go. So I left and headed to Great Eastern Mall. And I had to walk from Times Square to Sungai Wang to Pavilion to KLCC to take the bus. My mom said reach there by 8:30, because that day they were going to GE Mall. So I would meet them there and would go home together with her, my dad and brother. So I started walking. By the time I reached Pavilion, I was partly lost. I walked around and around for about 15 minutes. Then I found my way and RAN to KLCC. It was ... Oh yea, at the main entrance of Pavilion, it was so pretty. They had these machines at the top and made it spit out 'light ice' which made it look like real snow was pouring down from above. Everyone crowded that area to tale pictures, so I had to squeeze through. Okay, back to where I was running.. It was dark out and it was cold. Due to the rain. But I still ran. And also I could only see like 60% because I didn't have my glasses.    Again, I was partly lost and a little scared so I was extra alerted because there were only cars and only very few people on the sidewalk. Then when I was lost, I looked up, because KLCC is tall and it's around Pavilion. I saw it and ran towards it. While I was looking up, the rain wasnt really hard, but it was really soft either. And it looked like it as snowing. And oh yea, my shoe has a little hole in it, so it was raining and I was running. Which made my socks soaked. And that moment when I was looking up, it was like when I was in New York and I was wearing snow boots but my socks was still soaked. So then I knew it was God, giving me that 'feel' of Christmas in Malaysia.. =]. Then I reached KLCC and headed for the bus. The bus seemed to be heading off, but I hoped that it didn't. Then I got on it. It was a different bus. And I wasn't sure where it was going. So I asked the bus driver if it would go by GE Mall or not. He replied it did. So I bought a ticket and took a seat. Just behind him. Cause also I couldn't see. So I asked him to let me off at GE Mall and he was pretty kind. And I was wet everywhere. The lower part of my pants were wet, my shirt was wet, and my hair seemed like I just had a shower but no towel. And i didn't want my parents to see me like this, if they did, they would know I ran a Lon distance and my mom would start worrying and etc. So I tried to dry my hair and shirt. The bus didn't go that fast. He was waiting for more people to get on. And that delayed for about 30 minutes. Which got my hair dry, but my shirt was just slighty different. Then I got off at GE Mall, thanked the bus driver and found my way to my parents. And that's the end.. =]

Well I do have other stories to tell that recently happened. But for now I'll just be finish for now first because I have things to do.. Hehehe. =]

It doesn't matters.

     Alright, I might be a little 'wrong' here, but I still wanna talk about it. I actually just re-watched American Pie, Yes, you might think that I'm a pervert of something here. But before you do, I just wanna say, I didn't watch it because of the rated-r stuff, which include adult material. I watched it, because there were lessons inside.

See, in these types of movies it has perverted characters, and in this case in the movie its, "Stifler," first in the one of "The Wedding" where Jim had to marry Michelle, Stifler ruined everything, but something hit him and he woke up, and he began to change himself and he fixed everything that he had already ruined. Which he surprised his friends because he was known as an asshole, but since he fixed it back, his friends started to look at him in different ways and thought that he cared about his friends and not just doing perverted things like getting girls, dirty talking and basically sex..

Then in another movie called the "Band Camp" was where Stifler did something wrong and he was punished to go to this Band Camp. He suffered at first, his 'cool' friends made fun of him and started spreading that he went to that camp, because he was known as a 'leader' in the 'cool' world, he felt bad. After he went to this camp, he made a video of the people there doing wild things, because Band people are mostly formal and etc, but picture them doing dirty things.. yea, thats what came to Stifler's mind, and he made a video on it, and when his 'cool' friends found out that he went to this camp, Stifler had to prevent them from spreading to the world that he was there, or else his 'cool' reputation would be ruined, and he was forced to show them the video he was working on. And towards the end he deleted the video because he was with friends in the camp and he felt sorry, and feelings of guilt. So he deleted them and changed himself.

Like this song Aeroplane by Tal Bachman.. (It was in the sound track, took me a long time to search for it, I was desperate, so I got it.)

"I was wrong to keep you underneath my finger
I was wrong to try and change you like I did
Oh I was a fool, I was to blame
And I put myself to shame
Now you and your love can show me the way"
*(You gave me your heart and one last chance)*

See? People give you chances, you just have to change. "I was a fool, I was to blame, and I put myself to shame" Then he realized, then "Now you and your love showed me the way." (In the movie, the girl Stifler loved guided him back.) And the "You gave me your heart and one last chance," and Stifler did changed. In the camp it was a competition, he first caused his team to lose 5 points, which was a lot. Then he shaped up, and got back the 5 points, and his friends liked him 'back.'

"Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain

And I, I wont make the same mistakes I used to make."

See? The lyrics all explains, its really a nice song..

Before you listen to it, read the words, one by one and place yourself in a scene..

"I was wrong to keep you underneath my finger
I was wrong to try and change you like I did
Oh I was a fool, I was to blame
And I put myself to shame
Now you and your love can show me the way
*(You gave me your heart and one last chance)

Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
And I, I wont make the same mistakes I used to make
*It was love and evolution
It was tearing it us apart
I prayed for a solution and I found it in your heart
Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
I can fly, 

It's true, I loved taking you for granted
I was deaf and numb and blind to who you were
Now I'm gonna show you and you're gonna see
Everything you mean to me
I am going to be there whenever you need
(I'll protect you, I'll respect you)

Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
And I, I won't make the same mistakes I used to make
*It was just another emotion 
It was running through my veins
But you gave me your devotion and something in me changed
Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
I can fly

(I'll protect you, I'll respect you)
Now I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
Yes and I, I wont' make the same mistakes I used to make
Oh I feel like aeroplane above the rain
Yes and I, I won't make the same mistakes I used to make

Some questions have no answers
Some answers have no truth
The Truth is my religion
And I seen the truth in you
And I, I feel like an aeroplane above the rain
I can fly "

And another song called Laid, by James. Again, read through the lyrics..

"This bed is on fire

With passionate love
The neighbors complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you're like a disease without any cure
She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no
Ah, you think you're so pretty

Caught your hand inside a till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in women's clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Moved out of the house, so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone
You're driving me crazy, when are you coming home
Pretty
Pretty"

See, at first I didn't wanted to blog this up, because I've been trying to set a reputation, a better one for myself, but I just want people to get me the way I am, and this is me. I watch things regardless of what material to learn life lessons. And there I blogged it up.

There are also other meaningful songs, but I haven't found them yet..>.<

And yes, its 2:15 already, I was planning to sleep but then last time when I had a topic in my head, I didn't write it down and went to sleep, then the next morning I forgot and lost it. So this time I kept it down.

Kay, nites now. =]

The say chances are within seconds...

See.. My ex and I broke up because of a test we had to study for. And she said if we werent togetherthen we could concentrate and wouldn't spend or waste time thinking about esch other.. Which I first agreed.

But after several weeks, I think about her every single day.. And that's what we were trying to avoid. So then I did tell her about it. But she some how in a way said no. But not directly.

My point here is that, people say chances are within seconds. I did took the courage which I thought about 1-2 weeks whether to tell her or not. And at last I did. So then, I'm guessing that she still has a feel for me. But I'm not sure. I wanna get her back but don't know if she wants to be back. You see my situation here..? It's quite hard.. Like you're suppose to take the chance. But then need to think about others first. Sigh... Its just hard..

So now, all I'm hoping for is that and time goes on, the feeling I have towards her in me, wouldn't change. Cause I don't wanna go for other girls. Then I'll try my best to get her back... But still.. It's hard... =.="

Ahh, i love this type of being busy.

     But first, last night I've been working on this thing that my brother asked me to do. To make brand of something. (I'll put a picture up later.) So then later when I was almost done, took about an hour, he said, change the background... And I was using PhotoScape. Which was ridiculous and hard to use because it wasn't detailed and it was just for simple simple things.. But I did something better with it..

Then he said it would waste ink and etc. We argued and stuff, then later today I asked my dad and he said it was okay So then I didn't care about my brother and went with it, and added some finishing touches with it. Woah, that was tiring.. took me 2 hours something. Because I didn't have time to decrypt my PhotoShop yet, I used paints, I cutted the background and zoom in till pixels and editted it one by one.. Eyes sore and etc.. Then after it was done, I really loved it.

Heres this picture. =]

See the 3 things at the back? Actually I just put the background to the color similar to the background I took off the net. Cause it was hard to do with these two programs. And if you look closely, you can see the box around it.

And this is gonna be printed and shown to everyone. =]

Out With Uncle.

     Yesterday, my parents and my uncle had plans. It was that my brother had clothes that wanted to be shorter or fitter so he could wear them. And that the sewing machine was at him house. When we reached my uncle, aunty was there. My cousins, their boy/girlfriend was there as well, and sadly, my cousin's girlfriend was sick. We sat there for a while, my brother asked my cousin about some computer thing, my dad sat with my uncle watching TV, my mom and aunty at the sewing room doing while chatting, the other cousin upstairs with her boyfriend, and me, just on my iPod, sitting on the sofa with my uncle and dad, watching TV.

Later on, we went out to get some food. And this place in Cheras called, "Cheers Palace." There were many times when we went there and there they had wedding ceremony. Then this time, my dad said there isn't any. But when we got there, it ending up having. We were parking our car, and everyone around the parking lot, entering the restaurant was all dressed formally. And my brother said to me, "look at her, she's so pretty, its for you brother." Then I said, "pshh, shut up son, I got my own, she way better and way more pretty." "I stay loyal and faithful to mine." And he said, "you're full of shit." Then I said, "Whatever." And he shut up. =]

Then after we ate, we just headed home.

(I wanted to blog this yesterday using my iPod, but something was wrong and it was pretty slow, so I got sleepy and didn't manage to blog it up and slept. =])

People wants the things they don't easily get.

     People wants the things they don't easily get. Yup, thats so true. So talking about the Awards Night again. Once I appeared at the place, everyone welcomed my and started to take pictures with me. I was happy, but I wanted my ex to come over to me, I was sooo desperate for it, thought at last the show had to start, and she still didn't came. And it seemed like I only saw her for a little while, and when she was on the stage, like she was hiding for me or something. This is a pretty short post, I just wanna say, that everyone wants the things that they don't easily get, and they will cherish it when they get it.

Angel - Akon

     Today there was a Award's night at my old school. (Old, because I left the school already.) So then, my friends, (the students) had to perform and stuff. And I was so glad that I got to see my ex. They all wore the school's shirt, so nothing different. They wore it for the singing they had at first. Then later the "drama" event came up, I didn't wear my glasses today so I couldn't see clearly, just roughly. Then my ex changed shirt, she wore a long sleeve shirt with strips and the brown had that I think she only has. (heheh. =]). I was sitting next to my friend, who didn't wear his glasses to, and I asked him who that was and he said he thought it was my ex. Then, I realized that it was, and I thought somehow, that she was like those stars already. (No idea why, just did..) Then after the drama, later on the acapella singing was up and she took part in it.

Only the girls took part in it, and all of them wore something white. My ex was wearing those white shirt with sort of some kind of vest, and without her glasses. (I have no idea how to describe, because I don't really know about shirts and etc..) My other friends were just wearing a t-shirt..I think, because I didn't really focused on them. So then my ex was wearing that shirt which I would call "special", and today at work, I kept on listening to the song Angel, by Akon. When I saw my ex up on the stage with the spotlight on her, wearing that white special shirt, the song came up to my mind and started to play. I might be a little dramatic here, but that was what I really thought and came up to my mind, I really wanted to tell her about this after the whole "ceremony" ended, but then I didn't.... Right now, I still have that image of her in my head, its just so..erm.. unique. I just loved it. =]

Once I came back, I quickly blogged this up, I just wanted to remember this day, this moment, this feel I had when I saw her today. It really brought a smile to my lips. =]

Finally!!

So finally I've fixed my iPod touch and now I can blog with it, which I really love doing. =] I've tried many times and it didnt work. But due to my determination and by not giving up, I did it!!

So tomorrow I'll be going to sunway with my family and my uncle's family. We will be eating buffet for 5 hours!! I think I'll really get bored there. But luckily I fixed my iPod touch, just hopefully there's wifi there. Then everything would be fine. =]

Heheheh, it's getting late now and I'm having huge eye bags and this light is hurting my eyes. So, gotta sleep. Nites!!! =]

The Real Truth.

     Alright, today something very bad happened to me. Now here I'm going to share it. Yesterday, I was working with my iPod Touch. Everything was alright, except for one. It could connect to the internet, but it couldn't go online. And there was this song that I wrote for my ex while we were still together, and I finished it two days ago, which was after we broke up. Now that the iPod is on a different firmware, the files were deleted!! I got so pissed, like mad! But then I kept it cool, and held it inside me. I was at store that time, and I wanted to get my computer at home. So I told my mom I would go get it with biking home. She said no, and told my brother to send me. At that time my dad started scolding, till to a point where he started cursing. So my brother sent me home and I took the things and went back to the shop. So I tried to fix it but the computer kept on restarting itself, making it impossible to function, and my iPod was at the point where you have to plug in the computer, synchronize it, then only you can use. =.=" Then later I turned off the computer and the plug for the battery, I pulled it out, and the plug head was just behind the electric socket, not even plugged in.

Then later my mom saw it and told my dad and I to go see it. They started scolding and scolding, I knew for sure it didn't had electricity, because it was just sitting at the back, not even touching it.. But I just kept quiet there. Then later my dad went out first, because my that was the kitchen and the kitchen was at the back. So then there was sounds coming from the front, and when I walked out I saw him throwing the computer and hard disk that I brought out just now. It was at a broken shape. The laptop's screen was cracked. And the hard disk is still functional. They still scolded and scolded. (Btw, my dad is a hot tempered man at times.) Then I just stood there with tears rolling down and picked up the things.

See, my point here is this, the top section was just to explain what I wanted to say now. And now this is what relates to the title...

Many of these "problems" tends to happen under my "roof." And its like almost impossible to find love here. And almost everyday I down, moody and just at a negative state. I really thought about running away and stuff, but I chose not to and erased those thoughts.

You probably saw the movie, "Last Song." Yeah, I'm kind of like that guy in the movie. There's no love at home, so I tried to search love else where. Like getting a girlfriend, honestly, I would do anything for her. And I mean anything. But then somehow we eventually broke up, so now I'm all gloomy again. Or maybe its just that I'm made to not be loved. And this was actually the main reason why I created this blog, just that I thought and thought if I should post this up or not. And now I finally did. I might look like a happy, funny person when you see me. Its all fake, I'm just trying to hide the sorrow that's inside me. Now that from a relationship back to single, everyday from that day, once when I started to think about her, I tend to have tears and I have no idea how to describe, but just that pain in your heart that needs a long time to heal.. So yup, now I shared it..

Rainy Days.

     Its raining now, and its just so nice. I love it. One a afternoon, its raining with the cool air.  Its just so nice. I would love to sleep at this time, the rain drop and the blowing of the wind just makes me want to sleep, but I can't because I need to study.

For the fact, I actually don't like rainy days. Well I did, only a little, but not as much as I do now. Its all because of this girl that I was with. She loves the rainy days and etc. So then when she said that, I started to notice the rain, the wind, weather and everything. So since that it was raining now, it reminded me of her, and how I just had to blog this up.

Hah, she really changed me. There are other things that she changed me in, but I can't quite remember them and can't remember them fully, so I'll blog it up once it comes to mind. =]

I Don't Wanna Let Go Of It.

     These days are like the ones that makes me think a lot, and I mean A LOT! I don't know, I just hope that this was just a big bad dream and when I woke up it would all be gone. Hah! If only life was that simple. I know for sure as time goes on, people change and time moves on, and you just have to move on with it. I was watching How I Met Your Mother just now and how Marshall and Lily broke up and how Marshall was like me now, and that he took Robin's hair shampoo which he thought it was Lily's by accident, and smelled it. Then it tempted me, because I forced myself not to smell the perfume that my "ex" got me. But then I just grabbed it and started to sniff it, and a part hit me like for a while. It was like a thought commanding me to not forget her, and while that happened, I almost teared, which I held it in.

I mean, I can move on if I want to. But the fact is that I don't want to. I just know that I'll regret if I do...

The Gift.

     This coming Friday was my school's Award's Night. And I would go to see my friends perform and etc. I would see her there. So about two-three weeks ago, I planned on something to surprise her. She has one of those books where its like you're leaving and people write a message inside and sign so you can remember them and stuff. It was from her old school, but then there was this time when she asked me to write in it. That was our "last date" due to her parents don't let her come out anymore because of the need of passing the exam to enter college. So then I didn't write much, I only wrote 2 lines. She was surprised and couldn't believe I only wrote 2 lines! Truth was there wasn't enough space for me to write what I wanted to write.

So the surprise was getting a book somewhat like the one she has. I would print out our photos and stick on each page. Like 2-3 photos per page and write about us, the times, and the moments. And everything that I wanted to tell her. That was when we were together. Yesterday, I went to a mall myself which is around where I live, actually I looked for this book in particular in many places already, but I just couldn't find the right one. Then, if I use my dads printer to print the pictures, he'll kill me if he finds out, because the ink are expensive. But like I said, I would do anything for her. (Thats only if it was possible.)

But I just couldn't find the book anywhere. I went to malls, book stores, markets. Everywhere that I could go myself, but it was no where to be found. Then I thought about a card, but the card, just a piece of card, was about 4 bucks. I'm not saying I wouldn't get it for her, but the card wasn't nice anyways. And since we broke up already, I didn't wanted her to mistaken me. Which I also thought that this "gift" could trigger her to come back to me. But like I said, I don't want to be seen so desperate. =.=", really, I just don't know what to do.. I just wanna be back together with her.

Again, I'm now here. I was gonna blog with my ipod touch, but it lags and I had a lot to blog about. So I'm on my laptop with the flashlight again. And this time, with glasses. =.=" iights, iights, time to sleep. Work tomorrow again...=.=' Peace out!

There's Always Two Ways/Sides

     Like the title says, theres always "two." Or more, but lets just talk about two. For me, I have these two sides of thoughts. We're not going to talk about the negative and positive today. I'm talking about the level of maturity.

So for the side which I would like to call "childish." I think of it this way. Call her up, tell he I don't want to break up, make fusses about it, whine, cry and do all sort of stuff to get her back.

Then the other side which is the "mature" side, is how to think out of the box. I would just act pretty cool about the whole break up thing and act like I'm not desperate for it, though I am. But I would just let it go, respect what she thinks and seem cool about it. But I'm definitely going back for her. Hopefully thats really possible though. So God, PLEASE be with me on this. =]

I Still Love You....

     Now its the time where I should be sleeping. Normally when we were together we would be chatting on the phone. So after I brushed my teeth, I called her to see if her phone was on or not. She's those type that can't stand radiation much. If she gets too much of it, she would have symptoms of discomfort. So if her phone was on, I' would call till she wakes up to answer it and would remind her to turn off her phone she that she could sleep better., but shes a heavy sleeper, so sometimes it would be very difficult to wake her up and I would fall asleep myself. And that I was scared that her ringtone might wake her parents up. That didn't matter. I thought about that already. If her parents answered the phone at this time - this late, I'll just tell them it was a wrong number. Though the fact was that I just wanted to her to sleep better. So its like every night I check on her to see if her phone's off.

Oh yea, bout' today. She has these classes. Today she had some dancing classes. So I asked her if she had any bruises or not. She asked me why I asked. I just told her I was just curious. But deep down, I still cared for her and didn't wanted her to get hurt, cause' then I'll get hurt. Then at last she told me she had a few. I was a bit worried, but there was nothing I could do. And I felt soooo useless.

Then its like we always chat on MSN. Like "always." Its usually me who starts the topic and links each of them and starts new one, since I'm the guy. But since we broke up and aren't bf and gf anymore, I literally "forced" myself to not be that desperate. So when she appeared offline, I asked her why and she told me because she didn't felt like chatting, I just told her okay. Normally I would joke about it and still find things to talk about. I don't know. I still love her, but I can't tell her I do. Cause' if I did, it would be...ugh! I have no idea how to express this feeling, but it really sucks. And also for texting. I force myself to not reply her instantly, but I can't. There was just too many things that I want to ask her about, but I can't be too desperate. AHH!! I'm gonna go crazy soon..=.=". Its not that I "can't" move on. Its that I "don't" want to move on..

Still Can't Get Her Off My Mind Yet...

Nelly is right, but I think he's missing a line..

Thinking bout her, thinking bout me.
Thinking bout us, thinking bout we.
..was once together, but now we're free..

Ahh. Everything has two ways to be looked at. One is acting all childish and fussing all about it, giving people hard times and annoying people. The other one is to be mature and just move on. Though it's just two simple words, but it's hard to act out once you still have her in your mind...

My Plan.

     I see that people who are specialize in some things are so professional. But they are only good in one things. To me, being about to do more things than to be great at one thing is way better. Think about it, its like someone ask you to do it and you do, do that, and you do. Its like you're a know-it-all. But if you're only perfect in one thing, you would only do that. And you won't be able to "enjoy" the other things that you might have learned to do. This thought of mine strengthen when I was making coffee. About a few week ago I was making coffee. I wanted it to be cold, so I went to the freezer and put the cubicle ice in it. I didn't stir it though, I just place the cover on top, pressed the two pieces together hard so it won't spill and shook it for a several times. It was really cold. Like cold! But then today, while I was making coffee, the cubicle ice ran out. And it wasn't enough, normally I would "make" the ice, but I got lazy. So there was this big ice in my freezer. Then type where you place water in a plastic bag and freeze it up. Yea, I took that one. The cup was too small for the big ice, so I ran it with water for it to melt a little. Then when it was the right size, I placed the ice it. Similarly, I did the same. Placed the cover, pressed it together and shook it. But with this bigger piece of ice and only one of it, wasn't as cold as the several pieces of ice. (You can try this.)

So then I thought about myself. And agreeing to learn more things, than to just be great in one. So thats what I'm gonna do. =]. Thanks to the ice. I got all that, from just a simple thing. =]

I Finally Know Why.

     So I thought it was that you wanted to take a break for a little while was that we could pass our exams and etc. But just now having one of your best friend telling me something, I finally know why. She said that you feel boring about this, because we don't have topics. Actually we can 'make" topics and talk about many many other things, just whether you want to or not.. Never mind, forget this.

Now that I know why, its like I'm seeing myself in the mirror. Back then I was the same, all my previous ex experienced the same, well, except for you. They and I talked and talk, till we got to a point of having nothing to say and she keeps finding ways to start a topic, but I wasn't interested at all. So then after a few more days I told them that I wanted to break up with them. Which I selfishly did. And they got hurt badly.. they had hated me sooo much after that!! But then now, with you, I'm the one thats creating and starting off new topics and it seems like you're the one who's not interested.. I'm really trying my best.. Again, don't feel personal, I'm only writing this to let out my feelings only, and nothing else besides that.

After 5 relationships I've been in, this was the most serious one I had, and the one that I loved the most, and not wanting it to end. Wanna know a little something? Now I know why my previous ex hated me so freaking much, it was that they got hurted badly and I was a total jerk. And now this is my first time experiencing this kind of pain. A pain that you can't heal instantly, a pain that can't be fixed physically. But amazingly, I don't hate you..at all. I just hate myself for not being a boyfriend thats good enough for you. I'm sorry...

I Have No Control.

Sometimes being or trying to be a perfect boyfriend is really hard and tough. But if you love that person, you'll do anything for them right? Well, that's what I did to mine. I loved her with all my heart. At first she thought that I was a player. The type that just fall in loves with a girl, then later on just break up and head for another girl. After hearing that this was what she thought about me, didn't make me feel good. And I tried to clarify that I wasn't a playboy. Though as everyone knows, actions speaks louder than words. So from that point on, I tried everyday to please her and make her change the thought she's been thinking that I'm a playboy. I did manage to get her trust and she didn't thought that I was a playboy from then. I was relived, but it didn't stopped me there. I didn't just wanted to please her to believe me that I wasn't a playboy, but I wanted to please her because I love her, a lot. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a great boyfriend, though I'm still learning to be one. But, I really did the best I could. I said the things that I said I would, I fulfilled the promises I made her. And I do admit that I'm quite forgetfull sometimes, so I might not had done some of the times that I said I would. And I would like to take this opportunity here to tell you that I'm sorry about that. Still, I tried ny hardest. From the day we met till now, about 3 months and a half, I loved you will all my heart. I also did things to you that I had never done for anyone else before. I'm not trying to make her realize, but I'm just saying with my meanings. I mean, that's what true love is right?? To love someone regardlessly and to sacrifice for them whenever is necessary.

Now thinking back about the "Laws Of Attraction," I always thought about wanting to be with you no matter what happens. And also, I prayed about it too. But yet, it still didn't seem to work. And I won't lose hope, I'll continue doin this till you come back to me. Sometimes I wished I was God, to change things to according to my will. But I'm not.. I wish this 'test' wouldn't be here now, because it's like ths main reason why we're breaking up. I might act as if it was nothing about breaking up over the phone, but honestly. I was hurt, sad and depressed. But I didn't wanted to sound weak in front of you. And totally didn't wanted to affect how you feel/think. So I just sounded cheerful. Sign.. I wish life was like a computer. Where you can 'undo' things that you didn't wanted I to happen, or out of your life.

Honestly, I'm not trying to mean anything here. It's just that it's almost 3 in the morning and I still haven't sleep. And I just wanted to write out how I felt.. Here. By the way, this might have a lot of mistakes because I'm typing from my iPod Touch.

Also, though it we your first relationship and you said that I taught you a lot, but you taught me a lot too. Especially on how to become a man.

You might have wondering why I'm trying from my iPod Touch, it's because I couldn't sleep and that I thought about writing this after I turned off my computer. Due to the backlight, it hurted my eye, and I have this flashlight that can be turned into a lamp. So I used that,it was still pretty quite though, so I turned in some songs at a low volume, using my phone.

Now that fan has been blowing in my eye from the point o started to blog this, my eyes are getting pretty dry and sleepy. So good nights all!!

Also, remember:: I will always love you.. =]

Thinking and Thinking..

     Ahhhhh! I can't sleep... Its like almost two and I've still been thinking about this thing. I don't know if shes okay with it, so I'm not going to give the full detail of whats happening here. And Yes, I still respect/care about her..even though... .

Anyways, I'm just thinking why, but I know why, its just that...sigh.. I'm confused..=.="

Never mind, I'll just get back on my bed and start thinking, then when I'll tired I'll eventually fall asleep..

Good night peeps!

Leaned something new!! =]

So I was at my regular day, at work. A customer wanted something ghat needed to be cutter. So I took the scissors and cut it. While cutting, the scissors wasn't sharp enough, but it was cut-able. After the customer paid and went away, I went to sharpen the scissors. It was my first time!! I ask my dad for guidance and he guided me. I didn't follow exactly though. So I went to the bathroom, took the block of thingy and started to sharpen the scissors. When I was done, I tested in some papers and it cutted okay. And there was this other pair of scissors, so I grabbed it and did the exact same thing. By then, I was already starting to sweat. But finished it, tested it and was done with it. Later on, my mom took it and cut something, but it didn't work!!! I was like, WHAT??!

So I took the scissors again and remembered what my dad said, and I did partly of that. Cause' I was tired from all the movement, back and forth, back and forth..repeatedly. After the second time, I again tested it again, it was bad. But still I asked my dad to check. And he said, nope, not good. Very bad. And again he told me how it should had been done. So then I went in again and tried again, back and forth, back and forth. Then I let my dad check. And he said I ruined the scissors. And he said to put it somewhere and that he will fix I later or some other time.

So regardless of how tired I was, my goal was to finish what I started instead of doing something and letting others pick up from there.. Again, I took the scissors back in the bathroom and did it with my best effort, and applying more pressure in it. I was sweating, tired and exhausted. In total, I've been doing the exact thing for an hour plus!! But still I continued. When I wad done this time, I tested it, my dad tested it and it was cut-able and better than before. I mean, it was just my first time doing something completely new to me.

Fro this, I learned to listen more to my parents and to never give up. Even if yor think you can't, still try to, because that's where success comes.. =D

I'm Confused... =.="

I actually have no clue of what's happening.. You know the feeling or "thing" you get? Like being able yo read someone's mind or what they're thinking or wanting to do at a certain time?? It's not 100% accurate, but at least you'll get a rough idea of it. And I could read this girl like most of the time. What she was thinking, what she was going to do, what she was going to say, how she was going to react, I just knew it...clearly. But as time went on, she turned out being my girlfriend. From then till now, I can't read her at all. It's like whenever I try, it's all blank..

Now that I can't read her, it's killing me and giving me the desire to know her 'better.' and it seems that she's giving me some signs which gave me a negative feeling or thought. But since I couldn't read her, I just kept asking her what it was. She kept on saying it was nothing and said I was annoying. On the hand, probably it was nothing and just that I'm just thinking too much. I really don't know. I mean, I still love her, but something just doesn't seems right..

I'm not trying to mean anything or talk bad about her, I'm not! It's just that sometimes its better to say/let the things out than to hold it in right?? =]

Short, But, Glad...and Enjoyed.

     On Monday, my friends told me that they were going out on this coming Friday, which was a holiday, and they had no school. So I asked my parents the night before Friday and they kept saying no and no. I kept on bringing out the points and told them why, I said, I was mature enough, old enough, alerted and others. She then later yelled to me that she wanted to sleep and told me to get out.

Then the next day was here, which was Friday, on the normal basis we went to work. Yes, we worked on a holiday...=.=". Then at about 11-12, I asked my friend who organized this "outting." She called me and asked me if I could make it or not. That time, I wasn't sure, and I didn't wanted to make the same mistake I did, which was running out... So I told her that I'll let her know in a minute. After I hung up the phone, I "told" my mom that I was going out. She asked where, and I told her where then I asked if I could go or not. She made those signals that I caught, that said Yes. But then she asked my dad, and my dad said it was up to my mom. Then later on, I was going to walk to the train station and take the train which was about a 10-15 minute walk. On the way out, my mom asked if I had money or not. I said I did, and told her she didn't give me my salary from last week. So she gave me my salary and gave me an extra 20 bucks and told me to not walk, but to take the taxi to the train station. My face totally lit up! I mean, WOAH!! That meant a lot to me.. Then I thanked her and headed out. I got on the taxi, paid the dude, bought the train ticket, got on the train, got off my station and went into the mall. During that whole course my girlfriend and I were texting. And she thought that I couldn't go, because my parents wouldn't let or so. On the train she said that she was going out and told me bye bye, which was telling me to not disturb her. I was planning to surprise her, so I said, okay okay, enjoy. And the messaging stopped there.

When I met my friends at the bowling alley in the mall, I was welcomed and stuff. Then later my girlfriend arrived. And she was surprised, and she asked why I came. My first impression was not good, because I thought she wanted to see me. But thinking back she said I was too serious. So I knew she was joking. Later on, during my friends were playing bowling, my girlfriend, her mom and another friend went somewhere without me knowing. Then later after I was done with my stuff, I asked my friends where she went. They told me they went shopping. Oh wait! Before that... When I went inside the mall, I putted on the couple necklace that she gifted me. The last time we went out, she said she lost it. So today she was wearing a normal necklace. While she went to shopping with her mom and another friend. I took off my necklace. Then I asked one of my friend to go with me. She asked me where, and I said I wanted to buy something. She asked what was it, and I said, I wanted to get a new necklace for her. So we walked and walked. Then, the friends at the bowling alley was done playing. So they went and walked somewhere. Later we bumped in, and this is where the friend that my girlfriend was with called. She asked me if I wanted to eat or not, and told me to come to the restaurant that they were eating, and that my girlfriend's mom only called me to come. So then I went sat down and two more friends came and ate. (And yes, I didn't manage to get the necklace...=.=" i'm soo sorry..)

When we were done, we headed for the cinema and sat down for the movie "You Again." My ticket was bought after my bunch of friends bought. So the friend that helped me bought the ticket informed me that I was not sitting with them, but sitting alone. But surprisingly I was. So there were seats 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. My friends sat at 1,3 and 6. So only leaving 2,4 and 5. My girlfriend sat at 2, because sitting at 1 was a girl, and her friend. So, I sat at 4. Then her mom was going to sit at 5, but she told my girlfriend to sit at 5. Then we watched the movie. During it, I grabbed her hand and held onto it. For a while, the she did something, so she needed her hand back. Later on, I grabbed it again. And I loved how it's soo warm and soft. I really didn't wanted to let go. Later on, when the movie screened the two person holding hands, I grabbed onto my girlfriend's hand...hard, and from that, something signaled, like sending a wave to my heart and I felt that I loved her soo freaking much. =D, after the movie ended, unexpectedly she had to go. (She was rushing to somewhere important.) So she left and I went with my friends. She texted me and said we didn't pretty much spend time together and that I shouldn't had came. But I told her what I always told her. Which was it didn't matter how long it was, as long as I got to see her. It was already enough.

Okay, enough of the "love story" and lets get to the fun part. (It wasn't pretty fun since she wasn't with me, but I acted like it was in front of my friends so they wouldn't keep asking me stuff.)

First, someone wanted to go to the book store. So we went and looked for a while. When we were waiting for the others to pay, me and couple of friends were outside the store laughing and joking around. Eventually, I'm like the joker, cause' I love to make people laugh. Suddenly, I noticed one of my friends backpack, it was  so cool because there were two speaker at the back. Then later I plugged in my phone and turned it on. And BAM BAM BAM the music was popping and all the eyes of people came onto me. It was sooo cooolll! (I wasn't showing off or anything, but it was just the music.

After we walked, ate dinner. We headed back. Everyone took the train, but gets off at different stations. I have no idea why, but I was sort of a dare devil-ish. So they dared me to play the music on the station, while waiting for the train to come. I plugged in my phone and press play. I first lowered it and slowly went up. Then there was a cop!!! So I lowered it and didn't look at him. After he past, I turned it max and again, all the eyes was on me. Later on I closed it and got on the train, my friends got off, and one of my friend and me was getting off the last station. She was a 13 year old girl and it was late already and dark, and she had to walk home from the station and she had to go through a back alley and it was pretty dark all the way till her house. She asked me to accompany her to walk back, so I did. I sent her home and then I went back to the station and got on a taxi, and I headed home. And thats the end. =]

But thinking back now, I really really love my girlfriend. But the sad thing was, during the movie my friend at a mall near the mall I was in, asked me to meet up with him. It was him, his girlfriend and another couple friend of mine. So there were 4. They all wanted to meet my girlfriend desperately. But since her mom was there and she had to go early, it wasn't possible...sigh.. I really wanted to show what a great girlfriend I had.. But sadly didn't get a chance. But its okay. There's always a next time. =D

Hopefully We Can Make It Through...

     I read a lot of stories these days on  long distance relationships. There were many people saying that long distance relationships aren't cool. It makes your heart pain and when you think about your other half, you'll cry your heart out. But there were still ones that sustained through this course and the couples were so happily back together! People say you must work first before you play and enjoy the rest of your life. I just don't get how people give up so easily. I mean, if you love that person, won't you do whatever you can to make him/her remain? Although I know that its not only what you want. It might be your other half's decision to break up. So how hard you try still doesn't work. For me, I'll try to get us together no matter what! Even thinking about you now is like killing me to see you..=.="

Today, during work, while I was eating. I was thinking about my girlfriend. I thought and thought, then thought about the good times and tears started rolling down my cheeks. My mom suddenly caught me, but I quickly wiped my tears and got back to work... She was at school that time. And I was thinking to run to the school and surprise her...even if it meant to see her for just a while, I'll still be satisfied. And it was one of the situation where I had no control over. If I did ran out of work, my parents would 100% do something to me. I'm not saying I'm not willing to be punished by my parents to see her. But it just wouldn't be good, and after this, my parents might not like her anymore..=.=", so its like how hard you try, but being controlled over...

Its killing me..

     I'm Googling how to make long distance relationships work. And I see people ending up happily because they made it work. They're like thousand and thousand of miles away. But we're barely 10 miles away. But though for the short distance, I still miss you very very much. I really love you. And I know that you want us to take a break is because we don't have to have the "heart pain" feeling inside us. But I really don't want to. I want to remain. Mainly, because long distance relationships are hard, but if we manage to get through it, it only strengthens our relationship. I'm trying very hard to make it and make us work. I really don't want we to go our separate ways. Though I know that I'm your first one and that you want to try out other guys but ... Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I mean, I can't be selfish and all that. I really love you want really want you to be with me. But if you really want to go, I really don't have a choice... Sometimes I don't even know what I should do. To be honest, I had the same feeling as you before.. which was to just let go and try to forget about everything. For sure at the end, I know that I'll regret making this choice. So I'm putting it all on God, to let him decide.

At times I was really down and wanted to talk to you, but you're just so busy and etc. I'm not personally stating you out or making you feel personal, but I read a tweet saying that if you really want to do something, there's never "busy." But I still understand that you are. I sometimes feel that I'm lying to myself, just to be with you. I know its hard and you might not want me to. But I don't care.. strong love here..

I some time wanted to chat with you and see what's up, mainly because I wanted you to ask about me and care about what I'm going through. Though you just say you have to do this have to do that and no time. So I wait and wait, then things happen and you have to sleep of do something else that makes it just no time for us to chat. And that makes me feel empty, dead empty.. Also, at times when I needed your comfort and you cheering me up, you had problems. So while I was the weak one, wanting someone to help me, I had to strive back up just to help you. I don't know.. I'm doing a lot for you, not saying I want you to realize or feel touch, but I'm just saying here, and I'm willing to. Don't try to stop me cause' I still will..for you.

You might now be reading this, but please don't feel personal. I still and really love you. But I just want to write down how I feel..here. And you might even look at me in a different way or even judge me, (sorry if you didn't.) but I don't mean to make you feel personal. I just want to saw what's on my mind.

"That" kind of feeling...

     I believe many people have their ups an downs. And either way you want to tell someone about it. When its something happy, you want to share it with the entire world. But when its sad and down, there's this one person whom you would tell..

So I happened to have a bad day today. All under "work." During work, I got scolded by parents for various kind of things But never mind. But then later on during that day I also got blamed on. Which got me really pissed already. Getting pissed doesn't means that you can don't work. You still have to! So I continued working and served the customers. Somehow I got scolded again and started to talk back but in a polite way. Later on I was doing something. I was assembling the sticks on to these brooms and I have to make it go in by hitting the stick on the floor in an upward direction. So I did it harder and harder since it didn't go in. Suddenly, one landed on my biggest toe. And it really hurted. But I still had to work. As I was doing the others, then I couldn't take the pain anymore. So I saw down, took off my shoe and sock. I saw this bruise through the toenail and on the top of the toenail, the nail wasn't sticking to the skin anymore. Which really hurts. That was bad and made my day bad. During all those time, I was texting with my girlfriend, asking her hows school and everything.

After I got off work, closed the shop and got on the car to head home. I text my girlfriend in a way meaning that I wanted to talk with her. But she was doing some other things... She wasn't busy or what. She was just "playing." And in a way I thought that she didn't wanted to text with me, so I said, "oh, okay. nvm." But deep deep inside I really wanted to talk to her.

Since that the only person that I wanted to talked to, but she was "busy." I wanted to find others but I just didn't had the "feel" I had to tell my girlfriend. So now I'm here writing this blog.. Then later when my girlfriend talks to me, I have to be strong or at least act strong.

I'm not stating anything here, but I just wanna say that I learned something from this. Which is when whoever talks to you, there must be a reason he/she chose you out of so many people. So just show some interest...

I hate this feeling...

     I worked the WHOLE day today, and I was tired and stuff but still wondering why why and why.. I was out of school, but she still had school. So I texted her after her school was done which was at 3, and she had something going on, so I didn't say anything when she replied me late. But when it was almost 5, I realized something was wrong, so I kept texting her, asking if she was ignoring me or stuff like that. But then later she said no, and somehow the trust was still there and I trusted her. Last night she wrote me a mail, because she felt better to leave me one than to chat on MSN, so then I replied her then today I asked if she had replied my mail. She said no, but she said she'll tell me when I get home and get on MSN. So now I'm home, waiting for her. I see her on Facebook and Twitter commenting things. So if she wasn't on MSN, it meant she had some feelings about what she was going to tell me. And I was ready for it regardless of what.

Now, I'm feeling this: Heart pain and not knowing what to do and can't think right. I just want to know the answer and why. I then later texted her to ask why she wasn't online, then she miss called me and I called her back. And my feelings then was hurt and not knowing what to do and I was the weak one then. But then she started saying something and started to cry. Which made me had to stand up though I was weak and try to comfort her. Seriously, it was something really hard to do. But I did it...for her.

Now I'm just waiting for her...again.

I don't know..

     So there was this dinner I had attended to tonight. It was great. I showered, got ready and my friend picked me up to her house and waited for her to shower and get ready go that later her mom could send us there. Also, I waited for my girlfriend, which she ended up coming. It was still pretty early, so the three of us chatted and took pictures. I got her a shirt that says, "L" and mine says, "OVE" =], she liked it and I was glad that she did. So then later it was time to go out, but I was still thinking about something. Something that she told me yesterday night. She said that she'll tell me today or tomorrow. And I kept asking her what, but she just wouldn't tell, and later she said she didn't wanted to ruin the dinner tonight, so she didn't wanted to tell. During the dinner, everything was great. EVERYTHING!! Well, mostly, till then it ended and we were on our friend's car heading home. I asked her what it was but she still wouldn't tell me. She said she wasn't ready to tell. These statement that she said made it suspicious. I mean, probably I'm thinking too much or something, but I really think that she wants to break up with me which I hope she wouldn't. But I just had the feeling that was what she was going to tell me later on that night or tomorrow... Then while on the car, I saw her quietly crying, at first, I thought it was some noise from the radio, so I didn't bother and I kept starring at her to see if she really was. She was facing the window on the other side so she couldn't tell when I was looking at her or not. Then later I saw her hand wiping her tears, so I bend over and asked her what happened. She kept saying nothing and nothing, but sure there was something... So then I went back to my side of the car. A moment later I heard some noise again. She was crying again. I knew she was. But she just didn't wanted to admit.. Then my friend's mom who was driving me home had already reached my home, so I had to leave, but before that, I kept looking into her eyes and something was there. I could tell she's trying to hide something from me, but she just don't want to tell me...

Then later when I got home, after a while, then I texted her asking her what happened. For three consecutive messages she said nothing with the three dots.. "..." by then I was almost definite that she was hiding something from me. Then later on she didn't reply my messages. So I called her. I called for about 20+ times constantly till she picked up. She said it was because she put her phone on silent mode, so she didn't noticed that her phone rang. She had to wait for her parents to come pick her up, so she went to the friend's house to wait. Later on when she picked up and told me that he phone was on silent and didn't noticed, I heard my friend calling her a liar, so it must've been that she knew the phone rang, but just didn't wanted to pick it up.
I kept asking her what happened, but she just wouldn't tell me. She then explained that on the car she was crying because she had a stomach ache. I was like nodding but didn't answer much because I didn't know whether to believe it or not..

The main thing is, I have a feeling she just want to tell me something. Something negative, like wanting to break up with me or something. But I didn't tell her that I thought this was going to tell me tonight or tomorrow. I just couldn't. But I'm really hoping that this isn't what she's going to tell me... Just please don't.

My Last Day of School...

     Today was my last day of school. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy is because of I finally get to sleep late-er and no need to face the dumb system. And somehow don't need to face the teacher =], Oh yea, and school work, and no need to rush every night sleeping late just to finish the homework so no need to get punished the next day. On the other hand, sad because I won't get to see my girlfriend everyday...=.=", I'll miss her perfume all around the room, I'll miss how she's doing her work and I sneak up from behind to grab her by the neck. =], mainly, just won't be able to see her everyday....And also can't do physical exercise with my brothers.. 

But to think positive, its a new start. Cause' I get to focus for my O level, which I need to get in college, and hopefully my girlfriend and I could continue from there. =]

RELIEF!! =D

     Remember I talked about how my girlfriend wanted to break up with me after I leave the school, because we both need to focus on passing a very important test..? Well, she changed her mind and agreed with my idea. That to continue our relationship till something happens or goes wrong, then we decide what to do. =]. She told me that it was because today, we were in my friend's mother's hair saloon and we were fooling and playing around with each other. And something there changed her mind about breaking up with me when I leave, in this case, in 2 days. But I must had done something, or she felt what I was thinking and she decided to stay with me. =]. I've been thinking about her leaving me after I leave the school for about a few weeks. And this matter has gotten be down... But I didn't show it cause' I didn't wanted her to see my face and didn't wanted to influence her and think that I'm a total jerk. But since now we could last longer or "hopefully" "forever" would be great enough. Truth is, I just can't get her off my mind and my heart beats soo fast every time I think about her...=]

What Happened...?

     I only have 3 more days of school, which is only 3 more days to see her. After these 3 days, we're going to separate or something like that. And it seems like she's happy and joyful about it, and I just don't know why. I'm here feeling sad and stuff, and worrying in the future if we could be back together or not, and she's there all happy and stuff. I don't know, she might be just saying that to make me feel better when she's in the inside sad, but I really don't know. I get it's kind of like twilight, where Edward can read everyone except for Bella. I mean, in a normal way, both of us should feel down and sad, but I just don't get it. HOW can she still be happy? I'm actually tired. But it doesn't matter, because I cherish this relationship and I don't want it to break anyhow. And I hope when we're in college, we can still continue to be together...

Time's Running Out...

     Four more days of school, and I might not see you again. Its like I'm scared and worried, and just have that feeling of missing you when I just think about it. Every time I close my eyes, all I could see is you, you and you. I start to see times we were together. How's we first met, how to did things together, how we just spend time together. And every moment just made me smile. Whether it was a good memory or a bad one. It just drew a smile to my face. And I also remembered how we almost broke up because I didn't cheer you up. I really regret that I did that. Although I had 4 ex's, but honestly and truthfully, you're the one that I didn't regret being with. Though I was your first one and you said I taught you a lot of things, but on the other hand, you taught me a lot too. And you just did things that made me hesitate to think that this was your first relationship, though I know it is. You really taught me a lot. Mostly on how to gain someone's trust. Though there are times when I made you upset or angry. But you still left a little gap for me to squish inside and cheer you up. On the other hand, I never was angry at you. Just that smile you gave me, when I was down, cheer me up. Just that I didn't mentioned it did, but it really did! Now I only have school for 4 more days, and there's a great percentage that I might not see you again. Its like every time I sit in class, I just can't concentrate on my work. I tend to turn around to look at you. And today you were sick. You're were wearing your red checker jacket to keep yourself warm. When I wanted to go to the toilet, I walked past your table and saw you laying down sleeping. That image was really cute. I wish I had a camera to take it down. Your hair was covering part of your eyes, your eyes were close to lightly. And that your cheeks were just there just that the left one was popping up, because it was pressing towards the table. And that you're lips were just closed. As I walked out, I made myself as "unhear-able" as possible because I was scared that I would wake you up. I closed the door as gently as possible, then when I came back, you're face was just there..again! And I was looking at it for a sec, but the teacher called me, so I quickly went so he wouldn't notice that you were sleeping. There were also times when I had nothing to do, and I just sat there, and I was just thinking about you. Every time we did something together, I just thought about it. Right this moment, when I'm writing this, I get this "missing" you feeling. Its like knowing that we will separate and I'm trying my best not to show that I'm weak and worried because I don't want my feelings to influence yours. I really wanna  cry, but its no point. Even if I cried, I can't fix things to how I want it to be. If I could have ONE wish, it would be to be with you...

HOLD BACK!!! =]

     Today, I was at the cinema watching a movie with my brother. It was called, "Life As We Know It." It was a Romance/Comedy. And you know how in these movies they had these kissing parts and romantics parts, the last time I went to watch a movie with my girlfriend, "Eat, Pray, Love." I was hugging her and kissing her during the movie. So this time, when I went with my brother, I had the feeling. But damn!! He's my brother and a FREAKING DUDE!! So I'm like getting away like he got some diseases or something. When I was watching Eat, Pray, Love with my girlfriend, my whole body slanted to her. But this time with my brother, I was sitting in the innest side, so there was a wall next to me, and I literally "stuck" onto it. AhhH! I was thinking all along, if it wasn't my brother and was my girlfriend, it would be sooo goood!! =]

Chatting On The Phone

     Last night or morning, about 1:20, I called my girlfriend, cause' she was ready to talk. When she picked up, she was whispering. It was because she was scared that her parents would overheard her and would confiscate her phone if they did. And she talked in a soft sweet voice. I could hear her. But I acted like I didn't so that she would repeat and repeat and I could listen and smile. =D, We only talked for about 20 minutes due to some reasons. She said that she wanted to sleep and charge her phone, before her parents would "caught" her. So I asked her to hung up and sleep, and thats what we did. In the morning, about 9:00AM, I was working, and I knew that she would be sleeping. Therefore, I didn't text her yet. But till 10-12, I kept on texting her, telling her to wake up. (She's a HEAVY sleeper!!) At about 12-1, she texted me saying that she woke up at 11, and that he phone didn't work. Thats why she replied late. She also told me that yesterday we only talked for a while only  because I had to work. But I think the truth was that "she" was sleepy and wanted to sleep more. (She's really a pig!! =D hehehe.) But it doesn't matter. I still love her. =]

I'm waiting for you..

     I'm sooo sleepy right now. I'm trying to watch a movie to get the sleepiness away. But it's not working. So now I'm here, writing this blog to keep me awake. I waited for my girlfriend a long long time already, due to her class and attending to concert. And now waiting for her parents to sleep, so that I can call her. But I'm soo sleepy... And I'm really sorry if i really fell asleep...

Boring Dinner...

     I just came back from dinner. It was really boring!! We took about 30 minutes to eat. And they chatted for 2 hours!!! My brother talked to my cousin, asking him about college stuff. Then my other cousin was "playing around" with her boyfriend, and the parents had their parents talk. While I was playing with my iPod Touch. Suddenly, it ran out of battery and I was bored to death!! I wanted to text my girlfriend, but she was at a concert, so I didn't because I don't want to disturb her. I sat and sat, till it was finally time to go. So I got on the car, and headed back home. And now I'm here typing this blog and doing some other thing, waiting for the concert to end..

My Busy Girlfriend. =]

     In the morning I texted her, seeing whether she's awake or not. I was up at 7 and texted her at about 8-10. But there was no reply. Because she had something to attend to at 1, she could sleep later than me. Then later she replied me, and I was glad to see her message. We texted for a while then it was already 12 something and she was heading where she needed to go. I knew that she had something going on, and I told me to text me after she's done. (See? I'm sooo understanding. =]) She said she'll text me later when she has the 45 mins break. But I didn't receive a message from her. And her "thing" ends at 4, and now its already 3:30, so I'll wait for a little longer. It's either her phone has problems or that something "special" had happened. She's soo busy! =]. It probably won't end at 4 too, might be a little later. But till up to whatever time she's done, I'll still be waiting for her message. =]

A Crazy Person.

     Just now there was a crazy dude, that walked in my store. He didn't say anything to us. He kept mumbling to himself. All of us was looking at him. But we walked straight in. Then the took out a cigarette and lit it up using the idol's candle fire. Then he walked straight out. We were all ready and expecting him to do something. My parents were around him and my brother and I surrounded the exit. After he lit his cigarette up he went outside and sat on the stairs. He puffed on his cigarette, talked to himself for a while then he went up to a car and knocked on the glass. I bet that dude inside as scared! He then walked and walked, he was walking towards a big drain pipe, so I thought he would jump in and suicide, but luckily he didn't. Then he walked somewhere and we didn't see him anymore. After he lit up the cigarette and went out, my brother said he would go "above" in terms of dying because he lit the cigarette from an idol's candle. But I just kept quiet, cause the idol is fake anyways.

When the crazy guy walked in from the beginning, he was pretty messed up, just walked straight in and mumbled to himself...=.="

Sneaking...

     I was watching a movie, then suddenly my girlfriend texted me saying that she was done with class. I was so happy. I replied her. Then it stopped. There was this thing that her mom kept her phone at night to prevent her from calling people, or answering peoples' call late at night. So then I called her to see if her phone was still on. Amazingly at 12 something, it still was. And I had this internet curfew thingy. When I'm not allowed to use the internet past that time, and the internet modem is at my brother's room. Then, I was thinking about my girlfriend and desperately wanted to chat with her. So I snuck in to my brother's room. His face was facing the modem, and I was really scared. I hesitated for a moment, but a flash went past me. It was an image of my girlfriend. So then I slowly unplugged the modem and took it to my room. I knew that there was this other cable which would gave this modem electricity, so I didn't bother pulling the cable at my brother's room, cause' that might just wake him up. Then I plugged the cable in the modem, but it was a bit loose. But I tried my best and at various locations to search for "line." Finally it worked!! Doubting that my girlfriend would be on, I signed in my MSN. It was laggy for a moment. But then later, out of a sudden, my girlfriend messaged me. I was so glad. And we're still chatting...=]

Terrible Incident..

     As I was reading my girlfriend's blog on getting hit by a basketball and ended up on the tooth, I remember when I was in around 3rd-4th grade. Right after lunch, I went to buy an ice-cream from those vending machines. I was so happy, walking to the playground while unwrapping my ice cream. When I got out and saw the kids playing, I got myself a seat and started to eat my ice cream. Little did I know, the ice cream so sooo hard, then when the first bite that I bit, both of my front tooth came out. And I had to pull it out when I got home...myself. It was something that I will always remember...

Down Down Down...

     My girlfriend came to school today. I knew it before I saw her. Firstly, I saw her dad's car, just leaving as I arrived. On my way up, I could smell her fragrance till inside of the classroom, and she was there, wearing a beautiful black skirt with butterflies on it and a gray shirt! She smiled at me, and I smiled back. =]. As the day went by, she didn't did the things to me like she would other days in class. She didn't came over to my table, she didn't purposely step on my shoe, or any other things that she normally does. So I was feeling a bit down. And somewhat thought that she might be ignoring me for some reasons. But then later, I discovered that she wasn't, it was just that she was doing her things. After class, I could've gone home. Because I wanted to see her for a little longer, I stayed. She had this singing practice. And luckily the other teacher wasn't there, therefore I could enter and see her sing with her band. I was watching her from a distance, and luckily I brought my glasses along. She was standing there with the guitar, playing with the song, with the dress she was wearing. And she was doing all those CROSS-LEGGED! See? My girlfriend is amazing! =D, I do admit I got pretty bored, because there was these sound problems and etc. Though, so, I didn't leave, and I kept watching. When all it was done, she had to leave, and go home. I asked if she wanted me to walk her down, but she said it wasn't necessary. So I just packed my things, and I went home. Later on, I was in my friends car with another friend, heading for the train station, she called me and said I ditched her, in a sweetly bright voice. I was then happy. She kept saying it, and when she stopped, we chatted for a while, and she told me that she was still downstairs alone, waiting for her parents to come pick her up. I was worried. That area wasn't quite safe. But then it was still early, and that it was better than night. Then we hung up and I went on my train and she went home.. =]

Two Lessons Learned...

     Today after school, I took my friends car to the train station. His mom, as usual was so kind hearted to send me back where I wanted to go. But I felt that I was disturbing her although she didn't say so. So I got off at the train station and from Cempaka, I went to Ampang and got off. Then later I went over to the bus station. And this was the first time that I was riding a public bus alone. Therefore, I don't know which goes where, but I have a rough idea of how it works.

So I waited and waited for the Rapid KL's T320, because it goes to KLCC and it went by where I was going to  get off. But I waited for about 10 minutes and it still wasn't here. It was all METRO Bus passing, so I went in one. The bus stopped, but I was still waiting for the T320, but it was no where to be found and the METRO one was moving slowly due to the traffic. I thought and thought, then suddenly I asked the lady if it went to Bukit Indah, which I was getting off. She said no, but it does go to Taman Kosas, which was a little outside of where I was heading. So I got on it and found myself a seat. I, then remembered my brother saying that the T320 bus goes into Bukit Indah, so I thought this METRO one would too, but just not "that" in. Taman Kosas was on the turn to the left, but the bus turned to the right. And when it did that, I was panicking and scared - not knowing where it would take me. So then I just sat there and thought that the bus would go around this area then back to Taman Kosas, but it didn't, it took my farther and farther. Then it came to a stop for about 15 minutes. This is where I called my girlfriend so her voice could calm me down. I called for about 5-6 times, but she didn't pick up. So I forgot about it, calmed myself down and waited. I sat there for about 5 minutes already and the bus haven't move yet. I, then approach to the lady and asked her what happened to Taman Kosas she said the bus would stop? "Oh, you haven't got off?" She replied. Then she told me that I should've gotten of there. So then I sat back down.

Later, the bus turned back. My mom called to see where I was, I told her to pack everything and stuff, and that when I came back, we could leave right away. Because they close the shop at 7, and it was already around 6:30. She asked me where I was, and I said I was "here" and "there" and told her to stop worrying because I roughly know where I am, and that I wouldn't get lost. People in the back were talking loudly in their language that I didn't know of. And it was my first time so I was pretty scared that they would harm me or something. But throughout all, they didn't and they got off where they were heading. Then it went back to Taman Kosas, now I knew, it didn't go "in" Taman Kosas, it just touched the rim, and they said they'll stop at Taman Kosas. I was like.."WHAT!?" But this was how the system was..

When I got off, it was about 6:55, so from where I got off the bus, I ran to my store. I ran and stopped, walked for a while and ran again. With this repeated process, I finally reached my store at 7:05. But the store was already closed and they were gone! I was like "WHAT?!" Then I called my mom and she said they were looking for me. So I told them where I was and they came to me. Then we headed home. They scolded me stuff and stuff, but I proclaimed that I promised my mom that I would reach at about 7, and wouldn't be "too" late. Which I wasn't at all! She said, how come you didn't wait "there" or "there?" and called us to come pick you up here on our way home, since we go by here? I said, no need. I promised you that I would reached at about 7, and I will. Because a promise is a promise. And it had to be fulfilled anyhow! But they said there point and by then I was really, extremely piss, because they went from this topic, to this, then continue on from there.. This is when my girlfriend texted me, saying that she was eating just now, that's why she didn't pick up. And she asked me what happened, but then I was really pissed and I said I'll tell her later, and I didn't took my anger out on her. Then she said, well, okay, I'll tell you when I'm done then, cause' she needs to go somewhere to do something. At the end of that, there were some sweet signs of "love," so it took my anger away like INSTANTLY! But then after a while my parents scolded again and again. Not listening to them, I thought about the happy moments that I had with my girlfriend, and magically I smiled and stuff. Which was pretty great.

From this incident, I've learned two lessons.

One was to know your neighborhood, so you would know when things aren't right and know where you are and whether you're still in that area or not. I knew this, that's why I didn't panic a lot while on the bus, going from there and there to here and here.

Second, was to know the public transport. Sooner or later, you'll going to experience some problems and that you will need the public transport. So learn it before you actually need it, you never know when it'll come in handy.

Though today and this experience here, I was really scared, and I didn't know what to think while I was "lost," I thought positively and thought, why not recognize this place? You're lost anyways, just recognize this place and you will know it. And gain something from this "lost" experience. So then I did, and I pretty much know how this METRO number 79 works. And that I wouldn't make the same mistake again.

But on the other hand, thanks to my girlfriend. hehehe...=]