Its killing me..

     I'm Googling how to make long distance relationships work. And I see people ending up happily because they made it work. They're like thousand and thousand of miles away. But we're barely 10 miles away. But though for the short distance, I still miss you very very much. I really love you. And I know that you want us to take a break is because we don't have to have the "heart pain" feeling inside us. But I really don't want to. I want to remain. Mainly, because long distance relationships are hard, but if we manage to get through it, it only strengthens our relationship. I'm trying very hard to make it and make us work. I really don't want we to go our separate ways. Though I know that I'm your first one and that you want to try out other guys but ... Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I mean, I can't be selfish and all that. I really love you want really want you to be with me. But if you really want to go, I really don't have a choice... Sometimes I don't even know what I should do. To be honest, I had the same feeling as you before.. which was to just let go and try to forget about everything. For sure at the end, I know that I'll regret making this choice. So I'm putting it all on God, to let him decide.

At times I was really down and wanted to talk to you, but you're just so busy and etc. I'm not personally stating you out or making you feel personal, but I read a tweet saying that if you really want to do something, there's never "busy." But I still understand that you are. I sometimes feel that I'm lying to myself, just to be with you. I know its hard and you might not want me to. But I don't care.. strong love here..

I some time wanted to chat with you and see what's up, mainly because I wanted you to ask about me and care about what I'm going through. Though you just say you have to do this have to do that and no time. So I wait and wait, then things happen and you have to sleep of do something else that makes it just no time for us to chat. And that makes me feel empty, dead empty.. Also, at times when I needed your comfort and you cheering me up, you had problems. So while I was the weak one, wanting someone to help me, I had to strive back up just to help you. I don't know.. I'm doing a lot for you, not saying I want you to realize or feel touch, but I'm just saying here, and I'm willing to. Don't try to stop me cause' I still will..for you.

You might now be reading this, but please don't feel personal. I still and really love you. But I just want to write down how I feel..here. And you might even look at me in a different way or even judge me, (sorry if you didn't.) but I don't mean to make you feel personal. I just want to saw what's on my mind.