I Have No Control.

Sometimes being or trying to be a perfect boyfriend is really hard and tough. But if you love that person, you'll do anything for them right? Well, that's what I did to mine. I loved her with all my heart. At first she thought that I was a player. The type that just fall in loves with a girl, then later on just break up and head for another girl. After hearing that this was what she thought about me, didn't make me feel good. And I tried to clarify that I wasn't a playboy. Though as everyone knows, actions speaks louder than words. So from that point on, I tried everyday to please her and make her change the thought she's been thinking that I'm a playboy. I did manage to get her trust and she didn't thought that I was a playboy from then. I was relived, but it didn't stopped me there. I didn't just wanted to please her to believe me that I wasn't a playboy, but I wanted to please her because I love her, a lot. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a great boyfriend, though I'm still learning to be one. But, I really did the best I could. I said the things that I said I would, I fulfilled the promises I made her. And I do admit that I'm quite forgetfull sometimes, so I might not had done some of the times that I said I would. And I would like to take this opportunity here to tell you that I'm sorry about that. Still, I tried ny hardest. From the day we met till now, about 3 months and a half, I loved you will all my heart. I also did things to you that I had never done for anyone else before. I'm not trying to make her realize, but I'm just saying with my meanings. I mean, that's what true love is right?? To love someone regardlessly and to sacrifice for them whenever is necessary.

Now thinking back about the "Laws Of Attraction," I always thought about wanting to be with you no matter what happens. And also, I prayed about it too. But yet, it still didn't seem to work. And I won't lose hope, I'll continue doin this till you come back to me. Sometimes I wished I was God, to change things to according to my will. But I'm not.. I wish this 'test' wouldn't be here now, because it's like ths main reason why we're breaking up. I might act as if it was nothing about breaking up over the phone, but honestly. I was hurt, sad and depressed. But I didn't wanted to sound weak in front of you. And totally didn't wanted to affect how you feel/think. So I just sounded cheerful. Sign.. I wish life was like a computer. Where you can 'undo' things that you didn't wanted I to happen, or out of your life.

Honestly, I'm not trying to mean anything here. It's just that it's almost 3 in the morning and I still haven't sleep. And I just wanted to write out how I felt.. Here. By the way, this might have a lot of mistakes because I'm typing from my iPod Touch.

Also, though it we your first relationship and you said that I taught you a lot, but you taught me a lot too. Especially on how to become a man.

You might have wondering why I'm trying from my iPod Touch, it's because I couldn't sleep and that I thought about writing this after I turned off my computer. Due to the backlight, it hurted my eye, and I have this flashlight that can be turned into a lamp. So I used that,it was still pretty quite though, so I turned in some songs at a low volume, using my phone.

Now that fan has been blowing in my eye from the point o started to blog this, my eyes are getting pretty dry and sleepy. So good nights all!!

Also, remember:: I will always love you.. =]