I Still Love You....

     Now its the time where I should be sleeping. Normally when we were together we would be chatting on the phone. So after I brushed my teeth, I called her to see if her phone was on or not. She's those type that can't stand radiation much. If she gets too much of it, she would have symptoms of discomfort. So if her phone was on, I' would call till she wakes up to answer it and would remind her to turn off her phone she that she could sleep better., but shes a heavy sleeper, so sometimes it would be very difficult to wake her up and I would fall asleep myself. And that I was scared that her ringtone might wake her parents up. That didn't matter. I thought about that already. If her parents answered the phone at this time - this late, I'll just tell them it was a wrong number. Though the fact was that I just wanted to her to sleep better. So its like every night I check on her to see if her phone's off.

Oh yea, bout' today. She has these classes. Today she had some dancing classes. So I asked her if she had any bruises or not. She asked me why I asked. I just told her I was just curious. But deep down, I still cared for her and didn't wanted her to get hurt, cause' then I'll get hurt. Then at last she told me she had a few. I was a bit worried, but there was nothing I could do. And I felt soooo useless.

Then its like we always chat on MSN. Like "always." Its usually me who starts the topic and links each of them and starts new one, since I'm the guy. But since we broke up and aren't bf and gf anymore, I literally "forced" myself to not be that desperate. So when she appeared offline, I asked her why and she told me because she didn't felt like chatting, I just told her okay. Normally I would joke about it and still find things to talk about. I don't know. I still love her, but I can't tell her I do. Cause' if I did, it would be...ugh! I have no idea how to express this feeling, but it really sucks. And also for texting. I force myself to not reply her instantly, but I can't. There was just too many things that I want to ask her about, but I can't be too desperate. AHH!! I'm gonna go crazy soon..=.=". Its not that I "can't" move on. Its that I "don't" want to move on..