Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood..

     Many things are just happening to me these days, and its really hard to solve it, or at least control myself from exploding. You know how I'm the only Christian in the family and my parents worships idols and do those things.. And its okay for me, because I don't talk about them and they worshipping those idols. And yesterday I working out while my parents were eating, so the when I was done, I went to take a shower then went to eat dinner. And I was eating myself. So then I got my eating utensils and began to eat. But before I do, my dad was looking and me and I was going to pray, so I looked at him while I was praying, then I started to eat and he said, "oooh, praying to Jesus for thanking that you have food" and stuff, I knew from the start where this was going, he was trying to talk bad things about me and my religion, so then I held it in and kept on eating, then my mom asked my dad was I praying, and my dad replied yes. Then my mom said, "Your Jesus didn't cook the food from you, its me that cooked it." Then I held it in again. It was really hard and tempting to blast at the moment. Then they keep talking and then my parents said, "You try leaving this house and pray to your Jesus to give you food." Then I'm like really pissed by that point, but again I held it in. I mean, you don't "just" pray, God isn't your magic.. So then they kept talking and kept saying that I was stupid, brainless and etc. Then they just kept talking and talking till a point I said, I'm just praying, its my religion and I want to do it. Then again, like its their best comeback, they said, "You don't eat the food we cook, and pray to your Jesus to give you food." Then I said, "Eh, I didn't even talk about you and your religion and why on Earth are you talking about mine?" That set them straight, they kept silence, I was really pissed by that point and just couldn't hold it in any longer, for a second I was gonna stop eating and not eat, but I thought for a sec, and continued to. And silence was all left, probably I said something that 'hit' them, or that I was just too loud.... Then about 3 minutes later, my mom told stories in the past about how her brother, my uncle treated the Christian who were preaching. And trust me, it didn't sounded good...

Okay, end of story.

So then few minutes ago, I was continuing reading my book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." By, "Stephen R. Covey." Its really interesting, and I stopped when I came to the 5th chapter where it's heading was, "Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood." That phrase, right there literally 'hit' me. So then I kept reading and got to the second page of that chapter and stopped. Stephen gives a lot of experience and examples and ways he solves problem, so here, there was one situation where a girl doesn't want to talk to her mother about he feelings, and her mom just really wants to know. But then when the girl told her mom what the problem was (in this case, the girl didn't liked school, therefore she didn't wanted to attend anymore.) then her mom blast. Her mom said things like how her husband and her sacrificed so much for her education and said she was grateful and etc. But really, all the mother was really trying to do was to give words of comfort and told her to try to like it and have a positive thought about it. Stop right there... I'm not saying give words of comfort isn't a good thing, but the mother approached in a different way.. I mean, the mother didn't even try to understand her daughter in a different paradigm, in a different perspective, in a different angle. All she did was 'responding' to the last few words her daughter said before she started 'lecturing' the girl. And I think that most mom does this kind of things, and very few will understand what their children are really trying to say. But I'm not talking about them now, I don't wanna get in the way that you teach your children, but when I'm a parent, I will change the way you to me, to teach my children. Cause 17 this year, not really old, but I understand and know more than you guys think I do, and you just won't listen to words I say and because you guys, (my parents) are "authority-centered" (focuses on authority) you guys just don't even take a second to 'consider' what I'm trying to say out here. And last time my dad was telling about something and something, then I gave him a suggestion to do that thing in a different way, and he said, "I'm the man on the house, and this is my roof, as long as you're under my roof, you must listen to me and my commands." That was it, I was done even listening to him, so I went in my room and closed the door. Disrespectful eh? No, look at it this way, its like he already has a 'shield' to defend him, and i think that when people really listens to the other people and try to take their advice or even tries to consider them, they will shut the 'shield' off and let the words go into them. Its like they already made up their decisions and got all the planning in their mind and just want to 'inform' someone that that's what they're going to do.

Its just not working, you can't take back things from the past and compare it with the future or even now. Ever have a feeling of asking your parents something, or even telling them something and they lectured you for hours? Or even days? Then after that period of time when the lecturing keeps on happening every time you tell your parents something, something just signals you to not tell them things when you have things to tell them about. Then they will feel awkward, why isn't my children talking to me like how they were back in the days? Then they'll ask you in two different ways but with the same result. First is they ask you what wrong, and how come you don't come to them anymore, are you okay and stuff? You tell them what happens that they won't listen to them, and BAM that starts there, you get lectured again. Second, is they straight off the bat lectures you about how they don't treat their parents like this and this and this and that... The world it changing, and we must change with it. How come back then there wasn't computers, iPod, iPhone, and technologies that we now have? Because back in the days think in a different way and change the things they didn't like and tries a different approach and gets better results, and so do you think that if everyone taught their children the same old way their ancestors told them, the world would even change? NO.. If they did, we wouldn't even have the things we have now, and its would still be like the late '80s..

But though I was put in mind that, "Others will hate you because of me." I forgot which book and which verse in the Bible.

And thats it I guess, I'm done expressing my thoughts and my feelings here... Bye...