Life These Days.

I always thought that God or somehow, you’re born into this world for a purpose. Like it just comes, you don’t have to work towards it before you get it… I meant, its like erm… like you’re born to be a doctor then you always had the idea of becoming a lawyer, then you work so hard to become a lawyer, then after you graduated and got your degree, somehow in all those time you study to become a lawyer, something had prepare you to become a doctor. Then the universe or the 4th dimension tends to unfolds itself, and sort out everything for you and BOOM, you’re a doctor.. I know a lot of people who went to study something, but got another job. Like my English tuition teacher. He graduated in electrical engineering, but he’s now beginning to start his career to become a teacher, I asked him why.  He said, “It just feels right.” See? That’s what I meant. And also my cousin, she studied to become a psychologist and in the time when she was studying it she was so passionate about it. She was like, “I’m gonna do this, this, this and this, and I can be able to read people’s mind.” And etc. But after she graduated she went to work at an office firm that had completely nothing to do with psychology. So all I’m saying is, is there really a purpose in which we are born here to perform or what? Look at all those talented people, like this boy who became a pilot at 13 or around 13 and he flew the aircraft himself. Did he study for it? I don’t think so. Then there was this child who looked at a photo and told his dad that he been in the aircraft before, and his buddy was next to him. And then in some history thing his dad researched that his son was a man back in the history in the world war, and his “other life” name came up. So his dad thought this was weird. So its like, I don’t know, some spirit thing in which I can’t describe. Then there’s Beyonce, the famous women singer. Her talent was discovered at the age of 7! I mean, I’m not talking all about talents, but people are able to do things without studying at a very young age. Even if they did study, they couldn’t be so professionalized. So is there a purpose why we’re here on Earth? Like probably God or someone wanted to perform some actions on these talented people and somehow make the world better? After that, then now. I’m not trying to be conceited or anything, but back when I was in New York from the age of 4 to 14 I was a great student. Like outstanding. I was in the gifted class and everything, just plain top. My grades were good, my friends were smart, and I was a great student. But then somehow due to some planning I’ve came back to Malaysia and then I went to a private school for 2 years, but my results were awful, I was in the worst class and out of 23 students, my grade was like the lowest.. Later on, the second year I moved up to a higher class. Its like there’s 5 classes for 14 year olds and 1-5, the first year I was in the lowest which was 1, then the second year I was at 2, but for age 15 year olds. So I started to slowly progress, I guess. Or there were just students that were worst than me. I don’t know. After the second year, the school fees raised up dramatically and my parents couldn’t support me in that condition anymore. Therefore, I quitted and went into a home school. Before I’ve left NY it was the start of my 8th grade, So I was pretty excited about being in a home school, American-based. Cause I thought I could start back where I’ve left off - 8th grade. But then somehow stuff turned out after I took a test and they put me at grade 4 and 5. I was pissed, but whatever, I thought that I could chase back up. But somehow the books were different from what I studied in NY, or just that I forgot. So then after the first year of the home schooling, I quitted again. And now I’m currently self studying on my own for an exam. But the problem is, I can’t seem to concentrate on my studies. I like to watch movies, internet, listening to songs and just everything that has to do with the electronic gadgets. For example, I tell myself I would study today. As things turned out, I turned on my laptop and watched movies. So I told myself I would study after movies. Then when I finally get to studying, I either stop studying or just fall asleep. Is studying not for me?….anymore? What is the problem with me? Was I brought onto Earth to perform or had a mission to perform, but it didn’t require studying? What is it? Was I brought to NY for a reason? Did I come back to Malaysia for a purpose? What is it?

I mean when I, or when we were younger, life seemed to be so perfect. We went to school with our parents carrying out bags, came home to do some homework, eat, sleep, leisure and that repeated everyday. Then summer or some holidays came and we went out with our parents, we saw all sort of things and we said we wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, pilot, astronaut, police man. Like we had a dream when we were younger. Then as we grew older our dreams constantly keeps on changing, and till now the point where I had no idea why I’m here. I tried to imagine the world without me, and from what I thought was that my friends would go to someone else to talk about their problems, they wouldn’t have as much laughter when I’m here, they wouldn’t had had so much things to talk about. So was I brought here to become a comedian? Because I’ve NEVER thought about that.. Like I said…weird.. Can I use my English accent or something for this world? What is it?!!? See, these are the things I’d love to do and probably see myself in, but not getting near: Actor, dancer, drummer, DJ, photo editing, photographer, script writer, pilot, business man, engineer, back stage crew, filming crew, and others, but damn it, I don’t know what I want to do, or can do. I always think positive, I always try and try. But it just doesn’t seem to be working. Am I using the wrong concept or something??